Subtle Signals That It’s More Than Tension

“The body keeps the score—but it also tells the story. When we listen with immersed, meta-awareness, we hear what it has been trying to say all along.”

Reflection

Hypervigilance shows up in coaching sessions more often than we realize — especially online — and it takes attentive noticing of the body’s cues to observe it and incorporate it into the conversation in a way that supports the client to feel deeply understood.

Sometimes it’s obvious, but most of the time it’s subtle:

quick scanning eyes, rapid eye movements back and forth horizontally, eyes look wide but not curious, looking down and then looking past you on the screen.

a tight jaw, clenching, pursing the lips

shoulders inching up or appearing shrugged “in defence”

a breath held too long or rapid upper chest breathing

hands picking, rubbing, or fidgeting

Two of my clients have “tells” they don’t even realize they’re doing — one tucks her thumb under her finger in a small clenched fist, another tugs her earlobe when something inside feels too big.

These aren’t quirks. They’re the body/ nervous system saying:

“I don’t feel fully safe. I’m watching / looking for threats.”

In Polyvagal Theory, Dr. Stephen Porges describes this as neuroception — the nervous system scanning for danger before the brain even has time to form a thought.

For clients who have lived through trauma, the body can get used to staying “on guard,” even when nothing dangerous is happening.

Brad Hardie TIC-MCC, Co-Founder and Lead Facilitator at MTHS, says it best:

“When you see a trauma response, you’re witnessing the body’s wisdom, not its flaw.”

And when we meet that wisdom with compassionate observation— not pressure or shoulding — we create emotional safety.

A Real Coaching Moment

In a recent session, my client’s breathing shifted into a very shallow non non-rhythmic pattern. Her shoulders lifted, her eyes flickered off to the side or down to the floor, her hands clenched. Her story didn’t change — but her body did. I found myself really noticing this as a different state than how she often showed up, so instead of pushing forward with the coaching outcome, I paused and asked:

“I’m noticing your breathing has changed, and your shoulders are tightening. What are you sensing in your body right now?”

She went still for a moment and whispered:

“I think my body’s standing guard.”

I asked, and as you notice that your body’s standing guard, what else comes up for you?

And then — after a long breath —

“I think it just needs to know it’s okay to rest.”

Her whole body softened. She took a few deep breaths in with longer exhales.

The shift wasn’t dramatic, but it was real.

What I noticed from a coaching perspective is that she seemed more resourceful for the rest of our session together. Noticing her guard had come up and her energy had shifted into hypervigilance / internal stress had allowed her to feel really seen and more understood.

Further, it gave her a place to practice self-regulation and self-awareness, powerful skills for post-traumatic growth.

Insight

We listen to words — but the body often tells a deeper truth.

A trauma-informed lens helps us meet these moments with curiosity and holding emotional safety as a space. When we attune to the client’s nervous system, not just their narrative, more sense of safety and feeling seen becomes possible. And with feeling seen and understood comes the safe space for growth, insight and regulation.

Why This Matters

When we can spot hypervigilance in our zoom calls and in life, we can meet clients where they actually are — not where we assume they are.

And when we respond with grounded presence (Breathe, tone and pace), gentle noticing and compassionate observation, the client’s nervous system feels understood and “safer”.

That’s co-regulation — the foundation of trauma-informed coaching.

In Your Next Session, Try Noticing:

• How does your client’s nervous system communicate safety or activation?
  
• What shifts when you slow your own pace, breath and tone?
  
• When does their system begin to settle — and how do you notice that?

These micro-moments matter far more than polished questions or perfect reflections.

💬 Coaching Questions

• Where am I really listening — and where am I predicting?
• What sensations in my body point to my own nervous system regulation or dysregulation?
• How do you invite your client to become aware of their nervous system cues/ triggers?
• How do you share your observations from a coach approach?
• How do you integrate body awareness and cues into the conversation?

💬 What If Questions Even If You Aren’t a Coach

• What if I didn’t judge my tension as stress or weakness and instead wonder about its wisdom?
  
• What if I asked, “What’s a message my body is telling right now?”
  
• What if regulation didn’t mean calm — just “more okay” than before?
  
• What if the smallest cue — a softened jaw, an exhale — counted as progress?

Cultivating Your Inner Coach

• What would it look like to invite possibility instead of certainty in this coaching moment?
  
• Where am I truly listening, and where might I be jumping ahead with my own ideas?
  
• What feelings or tensions am I noticing in my body, and what might they be teaching me?
  
• How can I remain curious and open when the conversation or situation feels tricky?
  

Sources

• Porges, S. W. (2006). The Polyvagal Theory: New Insights into Adaptive Reactions of the Autonomic Nervous System. Psychoneuroendocrinology, PMC3108032.
  
• Polyvagal Institute (2023). What Is Polyvagal Theory?
• Avance Care (2023). Polyvagal Theory: Your Nervous System’s Wiring for Safety and Connection.
• Fielding Graduate University (2023). Coaching in Context: How Polyvagal Theory Informs Coaching.

🌿 Additional What If Questions

• What if tension was an invite to slow down rather than push through?
• What if noticing our nervous system could become a form of self-kindness?
• What if I softened my breath and my shoulders just a little bit— what would change?
• What if self awareness didn’t require words — just breath?
• What if hypervigilance is tied to old survival strategies and not current circumstances?
• What if listening to my limits was part of self care?
• What if rest was not earned, but allowed and prioritized?
• What if I didn’t override myself just to be agreeable?
• What if Gentle questions could bring someone back into their body?
• What if comfort was a skill I could practice?
• What if I attuned to the client’s breath/ posture as much as their story?
• What if I named what I noticed with an invite to check in on what it means to my client?

🌻 Your Invitation

Each week, pause, breathe, and explore:

What if this reflection inspired a meaningful shift in you — and through you, in your clients?

✨ This blog is an open invitation to join the Trauma-Informed Coaching conversation — where compassion, neuroscience, and presence meet growth. I’d love to hear your reflections or experiences

💬 Reply to this post or share your thoughts — your story might be the reflection someone else needs this week.