Part Four – What If Aligned Agency Grows From Cultivated Capacity?

Quote

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers

Reflection

In earlier reflections, I wrote about how often I mistook discipline and my ability to “grind it out”  for capacity; how I believed pushing harder would eventually create ease. Sometimes it did briefly, but more often the cost appeared later in my body, my energy, my reactivity, and my ability to stay present.

What that inquiry helped me name is this:

When capacity isn’t cultivated first, our choices become more limited: stuck in loops such as either or thinking. When our choices feel stuck, it’s challenging to feel like we have the ability  to move forward. In this definition, agency is the ability to choose our next steps or direction for growth from a number of different possibilities, with the capability of choosing from a variety of possibilities based on our values and vision for our desired outcome for being, doing and having. These possibilities do not become possible until we have worked with our brain, mind, and body connection to regulate our nervous system so that growth comes by choice. When capacity is cultivated, agency becomes possible. Aligned agency isn’t the ability to push through, head down, and work at all costs, It’s the ability to choose from more than one real option with congruency of remaining in our  “Window of Presence“.

Why This Matters

As our ability to stay present stabilizes, our curiosity and imagination can return. Then the mind can hold more than one outcome as possible without becoming overwhelmed or shut down into rumination, stuck thinking and cognitive loops. Curiosity becomes achievable not as something forced through effort that drains, but as a physiological state grounded in here and now presence. In simple terms:

When the brain (amgydila), mind (prefrontal cortex) , and body (felt sense in the body) are able to stay present in the “here and now” then the nervous system feels safer and the mind becomes more able to imagine possibilities and has the capacity to sense into those options in order to make aligned (embodied) choices. See additional research below.

In A Coaching Session

In coaching conversations, this often sounds like someone saying,
“I know what I should do — I just can’t do it.” From an MCC perspective, the question isn’t “why aren’t they able to take action?”, but instead we can become curious about what pattern is making action or choice unavailable right now?

So instead of asking, “What will you do, what’s your next step, or my guilty one, if you could take a step regardless, what might it be?”, we can use our pace, tone and own embodied presence to check in with our compassionate, appreciative lens. From this coach position, we can invite our client to consider:

What does feel possible for you at this moment?

What is your system asking for now?

What happens in your body when you consider options?

As capacity is cultivated by acknowledging where the brain, mind, body system is currently and what it needs first, then something changes. Our clients stop scanning for the “right” answer. Our pace and invitation for the system to calibrate allows for imagination to return. The opportunity to invite possibilities emerges, we can invite the imagination to imagine “What If” possibilities. More than one outcome becomes visible. As we attune to our clients’ visions of possibility, we can bring the nervous systems with us in the conversation and as we explore what ifs with the mind on board, we can check in with the body. As you imagine this possibility, what are you noticing in your body? Does this choice feel as safe as it feels doable?

Cultivating Your Inner Coach

What is my nervous system state as I enter this conversation?
Am I grounded enough to stay present if the client slows down or pauses?
Where might I be subtly pushing for movement instead of allowing emergence?
What sensations am I noticing in my body as the client speaks?
Am I holding space from regulation or from expectation?
What does my system need right now to remain available and attuned to my clients here and now?
Am I comfortable staying with uncertainty, or am I reaching for resolution?
Where might my own capacity be influencing the pace of this session?
Am I listening for possibility, or for action?
What helps me return to presence when I notice myself tightening, leaning forward, or narrowing focus?

What If Questions

What if agency grows when capacity is cultivated?
What if feeling stuck is a signal that agency isn’t available yet?
What if imagination is a marker of capacity returning?
What if an aligned agency feels possible?

What if capacity needs consistency, not motivation, to grow?
What if resistance is information about what’s happening in our brains, not failure?
What if choice expands when the nervous system feels resourced enough to imagine?
What if an aligned agency includes choosing rest, not just action steps?
What if brain, mind and body regulation is the prerequisite for clarity and choice?
What if shrinking options and “should’ing” are a signasl to regulate first?
What if safety is what makes courage sustainable?
What if discernment is impossible without presence?
What if the body knows which option is aligned before the mind explains it?

Closing Invitation

Aligned agency is ecological. It accounts for the whole system, our bodies, our minds, our values, our connections and our relationships.. Choices made from cultivated capacity tend to reduce internal pressure as they feel achievable and supported by our nervous system stability. Then we can move the 📚

🌻Research and Additional Reading

I love the research and additional reading on this, explore more here:

Nervous System Regulation & Polyvagal Theory

• Polyvagal Theory — overview & research library
  Foundational and ongoing work on nervous system regulation, vagal function, and social engagement.
  Polyvagal Institute Research Library (Porges)
• Polyvagal theory explained (with context)
  A neuroscience framing of how the vagus nerve relates to regulation and social engagement.
  Polyvagal Theory on Wikipedia
• Polyvagal theory revisited with neurophysiology synthesis
  An integrative article connecting evolution, brain activity, and autonomic regulation.
  Polyvagal theory—Physiological Foundations (DOAJ)
• Google Scholar author page — Stephen W. Porges
  See his influential, widely cited work on autonomic regulation and social engagement.
  Stephen W. Porges research (Google Scholar)

Broader Models on Brain-Body Interaction

• Interpersonal Neurobiology
  A model that describes how relational and biological systems interact to shape regulation and neural integration.
  Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) overview
• Somatic experiencing & interoception
  A trauma-informed approach emphasizing body-based regulation (interoception) as foundational.
• Somatic Experiencing overview

Executive Function, Mindfulness, & Regulation

Amishi Jha — mindfulness & executive functioning research
Studies showing how mindfulness practice can protect attention and executive capacity under stress.
Amishi Jha research on attention & stress

✨ This blog is an open invitation to join the Trauma-Informed Coaching conversation — where compassion, neuroscience, and presence meet growth. I’d love to hear your reflections or experiences

💬 Reply to this post or share your thoughts — your story might be the reflection someone else needs this week.