Reflection and coaching insight for navigating the holidays with presence and care.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” — Melody Beattie

Reflection

As Thanksgiving approaches, gratitude can feel complicated. When we’ve faced loss, trauma, or deep transition, the idea of “being thankful” may land hollow — even irritating. Yet gratitude, in its truest form, isn’t about denying pain or forcing positivity. It’s a quiet noticing — a soft awareness of what still remains, what continues to hold us, even in small ways.

In a recent coaching session, a client navigating loneliness after a major life change shared:

Client: “Everything feels flat. I’m alone for the holidays, and it’s a stretch to be trying really hard to be grateful — it just feels like so much, another mask.”
Coach: “What if gratitude didn’t have to feel like so much?”
Client: pauses “Yesterday my dog curled up next to me on the couch. I felt… calm and not so alone.”
Coach: “That sounds like a small moment that mattered.”
Client: softly “Yeah. I guess that moment reminded me that even when things are heavy, there are still little pieces of comfort. I just forget to notice them.”

Something shifted in that space — not joy, but presence. The recognition that even amid pain, there can be tenderness. Sometimes, that quiet noticing is the most authentic form of gratitude available.

Why This Matters

When someone has experienced trauma, grief, or loss, gratitude can’t be demanded — it must be discovered.
True gratitude is a nervous system event before it becomes an emotion: a moment of regulation, of enough safety to notice.

In trauma-informed coaching, our role isn’t to encourage clients to “look on the bright side.” It’s to help them gently reconnect to their capacity to notice what’s still here — a breath, a moment of calm, the warmth of a pet, a message from a friend. These micro-moments of gratitude restore connection and regulation, helping the brain re-access presence and possibility.

What If Questions for the Week

• What if gratitude didn’t need to erase pain to exist beside it?
  
• What if one small moment of noticing was enough?
  
• What if comfort — not joy — was a form of gratitude?
  
• What if you let yourself receive what’s still here, even while you grieve what’s gone?
  
• What if gratitude could be quiet, imperfect, and still deeply healing?
  
• What if the practice of noticing could restore trust in life, one breath at a time?
  
• What if you softened your expectations of “being thankful” and simply allowed presence?

Cultivating the Inner Coach

As trauma-informed coaches, we hold space for both gratitude and grief to coexist.
Consider these self-reflection prompts as you support others — and yourself — this season:

• What assumptions do I hold about what gratitude should look like for my clients?
  
• Where might I be unintentionally encouraging gratitude as a bypass rather than a bridge?
  
• How can I model noticing — rather than fixing — as a way of building safety and trust?
  
• When was the last time I felt quietly grateful, without needing to label it as such?
  
• How might I bring tenderness, rather than pressure, to my own experience of the holidays?
  
• Where can I soften my own expectations of how gratitude “should” feel?
  
• What if I offered my clients (and myself) permission for gratitude to be small, real, and enough?
  

Closing Thought

Gratitude doesn’t always arrive with light and laughter — sometimes, it shows up as a single quiet breath, a dog’s warmth, or a moment of not feeling so alone.

This week, what if gratitude was simply the willingness to notice what remains?

📚 Further Reading / Sources

• Emmons, R. A. & McCullough, M. E. — The Psychology of Gratitude
• Porges, S. W. — Polyvagal Theory and the Neurophysiology of Safety
• Frederickson, B. L. — The Role of Positive Emotions in Psychosocial Resilience
• NYS Trauma-Informed Care Coalition — Neurobiology of Trauma 
  
• BEabove Leadership — Neuroscience, Coaching and Relational Trauma 
  
• International Coaching Federation — ICF Core Competencies
  

✨ This blog is an open invitation to join the Trauma-Informed Coaching conversation — where compassion, neuroscience, and presence meet growth.

I’d love to hear your reflections or experiences with gratitude this season. What small moments have surprised you, comforted you, or helped you reconnect to yourself?

💬 Reply to this post below and share your thoughts — your story might be the reflection someone else needs this week.