What If Wednesday: What If Capacity Is the New Life Skill?

Quote:
“Not everything that matters can be carried all at once.”

What If Capacity Is the New Life Skill? 

Reflection

  The holidays are traditionally a very reflective time for me, I find that the season itself draws me inward, even though the holidays are such an outward expression of social gatherings and high social output. As a self declared introvert, the time of year creates a unique push pull on me, and from most of the people I speak to, I’m certainly not the only one who feels this as a tension.

I had a bit of a laugh on Monday when I received a text from a dear friend asking if I was all rested and refreshed. For me, the day the holidays are over and the kids are back to school and routine begins to settle is when I start to feel rested.

As I reflected on all 2025 and read the blogs and sentiments of the people I follow, I realized that many of us are trying to name and invitation for a personal and cultural shift. At one point, culturally, we were trying to achieve work life balance. Then we shifted toward prioritizing “What Matters Most “(I still love this question and expiration and often come back to this as a cornerstone for making decisions and choice for my family, myself and my family).

I’m not suggesting in anyway that we drop this values oriented question as it continues to speak to our “why” and the question and practice of our Why gives our days structure, our lives direction, it informs both purpose and passion – creates motivation – our “Why” always informs a coach approach.

The shift I really noticed coming into 2026 was really apparent – as a culture we are questioning concepts life multi-tasking, constant performance, hustle, the identity and avoidance of business.

There is a call emerging for more rest, for less overwhelm, for more recovery and less resolutions, for more moments that feel safe and nurturing instead of pushing and pressure.

What seems to be emerging now, as science and practitioners come to better understand the nervous system, is a new life skill I want to explore.

The trending word for it is CAPACITY

So what does this actually mean?

What if we have capacity?
What if our capacity is limited?

How do we measure our current capacity on this day, this week, this month, this season?

As we begin a new year, this feels like a particularly relevant question.

The question around capacity is about building the scaffolding – not initially in our habits or striving for large “C” Change, but before that growth or striving comes, what if we first assessed, evaluated, then tenderly, intentionally deliberately turned our attention and intention towards capacity first?

How do we assess our capacity for the year ahead so that our energy, direction, effort, inspirations, and aspirations align with what our nervous system can actually hold?

Instead of asking:
What do I want to do this year?
What should I commit to?
What goals should I set?

What if we asked first:
What is my current capacity, and what does it need?
What feeds it, what nourishes, what expands our capacity and what constricts it? How do we honour it, protect it and cultivate it?

In trauma informed coaching, one of the core questions we hold is this:

How do we move towards post traumatic growth?

I think one of the ways we do this is to start with our own inner reflection on our capacity – how do we keep our nervous system stable and what if strength wasn’t about how do we push past or achieve, but how do we build, rebuild, and then sustain, ecologically our capacity for growth, for change, for momentum instead.

How do we specifically build or rebuild capacity after a traumatic event has occurred?

We know the signs of nervous system overload – fight, flight, freeze, fawn… how do we name these and build towards what we want instead?
Fight vs capacity = I can act/ choose without creating or engaging in conflict, aligned agency
Flight vs connect = Presence – I can stay grounded with myself and others
Freeze vs cultivating flow = I can safely feel, move , stay or go – be in my body here and now – embodiment
Fawning vs belonging = Community – I can be authentic and belong – to myself, to others and mutually

As Coaches:

What check ins do we need within ourselves, moment to moment, day to day, season to season, to protect that capacity?

To stay present in our connections?

Build communities were belonging is safe?

Cultivate instead of “activate?

What best practices genuinely support these qualities of lived experiences ?

What habits and circumstances deplete these resources?

Capacity is not about motivation, boundaries, will power, goals, personality or character.

And when we begin to organize our lives around capacity rather than pressure, something meaningful shifts.

🌟 Why This Matters

Our culture still tends to reward performance over regulation.
When people do not have capacity, they are often judged as lazy, disengaged, unmotivated, or lacking resilience, even worse, they guilt, shame and ‘should’ themselves
Trauma informed work offers a different lens.
A lack of capacity is not a moral failure.
It is a physiological and relational nervous system reality.
When we ignore capacity, we burn out individuals and systems.
When we honour it, we create sustainability in leadership, parenting, work and personal growth.

💬 Coaching Questions

Cultivating Your Inner Coach
Pause and Capacity Check In Practice
Take a few quiet minutes and reflect:

On a scale from overstretched to resourced, where is my capacity at today, this week, this month?
What signals is my body giving me about its limits right now?
What currently supports my capacity the most?
What consistently drains or depletes it?
What might I need to reduce or protect, just for this season?
If my plans aligned with my capacity, what would change?
What if we listen to our capacity?

💬 What If Questions

What if capacity is a skill we can learn?
What if my nervous system informs in my plans?
What if rest is a form of leadership?
What if alignment matters more than momentum?
What if my capacity changes seasonally?
What if doing less protects what matters most?
What if rebuilding capacity is the real work?
What if I stopped measuring myself by output?
What if capacity comes before clarity?
What if safety expands possibility?
What if pressure shrinks my window of tolerance?
What if honouring limits is wisdom from within?
What if capacity is a signal, not a flaw?
What if slowing down helps me move forward later?
What if my body knows more than my calendar?
What if capacity is something I cultivate and protect?
What if enough is actually enough?
What if rest does not need to be earned?

🌿 P.S. Research and Additional Reading Sources

• Sources and Additional Reading:
  • Anchored — Deb Dana  https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/anchore A practical and accessible introduction to nervous system awareness, regulation, and how safety expands capacity in daily life.
  • The Polyvagal Theory — Stephen Porges https://www.norton.com/books/978039370700 The scientific foundation for understanding how safety, connection, and regulation shape capacity.
  • Waking the Tiger — Peter Levine https://www.peterlevine.com/books/waking-the-tiger Explores how trauma impacts the nervous system and how capacity is rebuilt through embodied awareness rather than force.
  • Burnout — Emily Nagoski: https://nagoskiburnout.com  A compassionate look at stress, nervous system load, and why recovery matters more than willpower.
  • Rest Is Resistance — Tricia Hersey https://thenapministry.com/rest-is-resistance A cultural lens on rest, productivity, and protecting capacity in a performance-driven world.

🌻Invitation to Continue the Conversation

Each week, pause, breathe, and explore:

What if this reflection inspired a meaningful shift in you — and through you, in your clients?

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If you’ve enjoyed this reflection, you’re warmly invited to explore additional What If Wednesday writings here:  👉 https://traumainformedcoaching.com/blog

If this reflection resonates and you’re curious about integrating trauma-informed, nervous-system-aware practices into your coaching or helping work, you’re welcome to explore the incredible Trauma-Informed Coaching we do at Moving the Human Spirit. 

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✨ This blog is an open invitation to join the Trauma-Informed Coaching conversation — where compassion, neuroscience, and presence meet growth. I’d love to hear your reflections or experiences

💬 Reply to this post or share your thoughts — your story might be the reflection someone else needs this week.