What If the Most Meaningful Way to Enter the New Year Was to Seek Presence, Not Pressure?

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” — Lao Tzu

“When you slow down, the things that matter can catch up to you.” — Brianna Wiest

Trauma-Informed Coaching, Nervous System & Human Connection

• Why do New Year’s resolutions fail for so many people?
• How does pressure affect the nervous system and motivation?
• What is a trauma-informed alternative to goal setting?
• How does nervous-system regulation support sustainable change?
• Why does presence work better than willpower?

Reflection

“New Year – New You” — the time of year when we’re pressured and pushed to do more, produce more, optimize more, improve more, upgrade more, and become more.

But for so many — especially those with trauma histories, hypervigilance, and seasons of exhaustion — the pressure of “more” can feel overwhelming and send our nervous systems into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn instead.

Resolutions ask, “How do I do more, how do I fix myself?” with the quiet assumption of being “less than” and broken.

When we meet ourselves with willingness and tenderness, with self-love and compassion — with a trauma-informed lens — we cultivate a nervous system regulation that creates acceptance and allowing, a being’ness, the kind of presence that grows from regulation rather than pressure.

This becomes the heart of the antithesis:

What if the New Year didn’t demand “MORE,” but instead invited the welcoming wisdom from within?

Why This Matters

The brain doesn’t change well under pressure.
Threat signals reduce planning capacity.
Cortisol spikes sabotage follow-through.
Stress makes consistency harder.
Shame-based goals collapse quickly.
“Fixing myself” reduces resilience.
Winter physiology doesn’t support pushing — the body is in conservation mode.
Willpower is a limited resource, especially in winter’s low-energy season.

We grow best when our nervous system feels safe, not pressured.

Self-compassion and self-love create the internal nervous system safety needed for motivation.
Willingness — even the smallest bit of being willing — opens a meaningful direction.
Hope doesn’t need to feel big; small glimmers (like what if wonderings) shift the system toward openness.

Meaning, not metrics, creates sustainable momentum.

Sometimes it helps to know this isn’t just a personal experience — it’s also what the research consistently shows.

From the Coaching Chair

A client (who is a fellow coach) playfully whined, “But… I don’t wanna pick a ‘word of the year’ or make another list of resolutions.”

“It’s so much pressure when I just want to hibernate.”

I asked with a teasing tone, “So what would you want instead?”

She laughed and said, “Well, obviously the opposite of all that.”

So I asked the obvious —
“So what is the opposite of all that?”

She exhaled with a laugh:
“If I could just let myself be who I am… I think I’d actually have energy to care again.”

That was her beginning.

Not a resolution. Not an outcome. Not a list. Not goals. Not a grand vision. Not a clever word.

Really — the opposite of all that 😉.

ICF & Trauma-Informed Lens

Trauma-Informed Skills

• Nervous-System Safety & Regulation
• Choice & Self-Attunement

ICF Core Competencies

• Maintaining Presence
• Cultivating Trust and Safety

🌟 What If Wonderings — New Year Antithesis Edition

• What if more wasn’t better?
• What if releasing resolutions was the wisest resolution of all?
• What if you didn’t need to reinvent yourself to begin again?
• What if the new year didn’t require force, only presence?
• What if enoughness was your goal?
• What if winter’s pace was right for your nervous system?
• What if the smallest steps mattered more than big steps?
• What if you didn’t need to prove anything?
• What if tending to your regulation was the most productive thing you could do?

✨ Your New Year Invitation to Practice

As you step into the new year, meet yourself where you are.

I invite you to try this presence practice:

🌱 Ask your body:
“What feels nurturing?”

💗 Ask your heart:
“What feels loving and kind?”

🧠 Ask your nervous system:
“What feels supportive?”

Something small enough for your whole system to say yes.

🌙 Closing Invitation – From My Heart to Yours

May your  2026 begin with your own willing wisdom:

With tenderness, not tension.
With willingness, not willpower.
From being, not doing.
From presence, not performance.
From being present, not pressured.
From being here, not hurried.
From hope, not hustle.
From growth, not grind.
From progress, not perfection.
From acceptance, not acting.
From possibility, not push.

🌿 P.S. Research and Additional Reading Sources

• Only ~8–9% of people maintain New Year’s resolutions long-term, largely because resolutions rely on willpower rather than sustainable behavior change strategies.
  🔗 https://raywilliams.ca/why-new-years-resolutions-fail-and-what-to-do-about-it/
• Pressure-based goals activate stress responses, reducing motivation, follow-through, and cognitive flexibility — especially under fatigue or emotional load.
  🔗 https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail
• Approach-oriented goals (focused on growth, not avoidance) are significantly more successful than fear- or deficit-based resolutions.
  🔗 https://www.researchgate.net/publication/347712332_A_large-scale_experiment_on_New_Year%27s_resolutions_Approach-oriented_goals_are_more_successful_than_avoidance-oriented_goals
• Self-compassion and flexibility support consistency, whereas shame-based or perfectionistic goals increase avoidance and dropout.
  🔗 https://self-compassion.org/the-research/

Invitation to Continue the Conversation

I’m always here, happy to help, and would love to hear your thoughts or reflections!  Please feel free to reply to this email or schedule a conversation HERE.

If you’ve enjoyed this reflection, you’re warmly invited to explore additional What If Wednesday writings here:  👉 https://traumainformedcoaching.com/blog

If this reflection resonates and you’re curious about integrating trauma-informed, nervous-system-aware practices into your coaching or helping work, you’re welcome to explore the incredible Trauma-Informed Coaching we do at Moving the Human Spirit. 

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✨ This blog is an open invitation to join the Trauma-Informed Coaching conversation — where compassion, neuroscience, and presence meet growth. I’d love to hear your reflections or experiences

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